where you drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry cola.

2011-06-17T23:56:00.002+08:00

NAGGING ME TO STUDY DOESN'T FUCKING HELP. SRSLY WHAT DOES IT ACHIEVE? I'M SO STRESSED ALREADY DO YOU REALLY THINK I NEED THE PRESSURE DON'T ACT LIKE YOU UNDERSTAND MY LIFE OR THAT EVERYTHING CAN BE DONE THE WAY YOU THINK IT CAN. I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE BY YOUR EXPECTATIONS ANYMORE. I AM GOING TO LIVE BY MY OWN SO YOU CAN TAKE YOURS AND FUCK OFF. I DON'T NEED THIS.

2011-06-11T14:16:00.002+08:00

There are days I honestly don't know whether I am the first someone thinks about. I'm not really conventionally cool or anything, I'm 18 and I haven't been drinking and partying out at clubs. And though I don't actually want to drink or anything, I just feel like kind of a dependent nerd who studies and tumblrs and waits around for her boyfriend to come home, which is pretty fucking lame. I think people would like me if I were more independent. I think I would like me more. It's the way I've always appeared, even though I'm quite needy and independence was mostly to mask the loneliness. Now that I'm not actually lonely, I'm at a bit of a loss. I don't think giving so much of yourself should result in yourself not actually being there. Identity is not supposed to be this hard to retain. Okay. I resolve to write something for me today. A good meaty short story that has really nothing to do with my life.

2011-05-22T18:57:00.001+08:00

Sorry things have been trying lately. If only you could see how

2011-05-16T21:20:00.002+08:00

YOU WASTE SO MUCH OF MY FUCKING TIME

HATE THE FACT THAT I CAN'T SAY ANYTHING

BUT FUCK EVERYTHING OKAY FUCK FUCK FUCK

2011-05-14T06:59:00.003+08:00

'There is no physical description of her beauty of the kind familiar in most Elizabethan love lyrics; the compliment exists wholly in what the poet feels.'

And that is perhaps the greatest compliment.

I do adore John Donne. We would totally have been bros. We will have lulzy conversations in heaven.

2011-05-03T20:14:00.002+08:00

It bothers me that everyone else writes their blog/tumblr entries with what seems like maturity that surpasses my own. Maybe they're right - I might be ten times smarter but their way of life is so much better. Because what of avoiding replying a teacher's text message, or crying over being late to school? That is not a life, and you have taught me that.

I have never doubted God's existence, though I might write about it (probably to sound pretentious). That surprises a lot of people, because I am aware that I come across as an atheist. I take KI, I loathe chapel, and think the Bible is makes less sense than Lewis Carroll's nonsense verse. But why does belief in God have to come with so many strings attached? Organized religion is not belief in God, telling peoples of other religions that they will not be saved unless they convert is definitely not belief in God, raising your hands to show the public that you believe in a God that will save you only because you pray is not belief in God. God is private, and you find him in the sanctity of small things like fresh blades of grass and miniscule stars. God is that feeling of being taken care of and connected no matter where you go, because even if you get into a car accident tomorrow God forgives everything and everyone eventually goes to heaven. An infinite, good being always knows what is best even if it seems terrible now.

At times I have these moments where I am cognizant of the fact that I have lived before - and it kills me to think that i have to go through this process all over again. Growing up, falling, puberty, looking and looking for you (though if I find you as soon as I did in this life then I will gladly live again), everything happening in a cycle of hardship and relaxation and struggle and meditation. I cannot imagine being old and having my first baby, and then possessing a head full of gray hairs. And it can be incredibly hard to remember that I have everything anyone could ever want, since felicity like this is so hard to come by that it makes up for everything. So I will remember, whilst also remembering that I am a whole by myself.

Because if we waste this quietly expanding universe of tenderness then how sorry will we be?

2011-04-11T06:48:00.003+08:00

Got to have faith in myself but so hard because I am second best at everything. Have so many accolades but none of them truly impressive or showing a proper mastery of a craft/area. So easily overwhelmed by panic to the point where it is my fault. So difficult not to believe that I am inherently worthless as a person and that everyone I love doesn't deserve better I am so so tired of this and that and everything that hits me and envelopes me where I cry in small spaces

guess once again I'm just functioning and there is no swan in my movement or lyric in my words wish things would stop being my fault stop

2011-04-01T23:22:00.002+08:00

Going to be 18. Been on this earth so much longer than that; yet am still a child of the earth, of learning and of growing. Understanding the purpose of my life and not stressing about it. Having confidence in myself to achieve whatever. Feeling connected to the universe. Loving people with everything I have.

2011-03-20T16:27:00.003+08:00

Well, ok, yeah, there are times I want blue hair and shit. It is cool to be obsessed with obscure 90's bands and have Chinese fans and saw off the heads of Barbie dolls. But quite frankly, I enjoy being my semblance of normal. I fully realize that I am far from ordinary, but I love the fact that I am brunette, have bangs, wear glasses half the time, and find joy in sitting in the kitchen contentedly eating mac and cheese.

At times I am confused by the darkness of Sundays. Have not yet found the reason that they move slower, or feel different, like God has switched off the sky and we are left floating in deep space, a nameless planet unattached to the Sun's orbit.

2011-03-05T20:00:00.002+08:00

I like that people change as they grow older. Human beings are like the most intricate puzzles, they can be unpredictable and predictable and predictably unpredictable or vice versa. I don't know what emotions are, but they are there, and they exist whether or not we have proof of them in a corporeal body. I like that we cannot prove them but they are are strong to the point of guiding our actions, tangible actions, as much as we can learn to exert control over them. I like that human beings can do anything, and that the promise of tomorrow could entirely disrupt your life and have five thousand things thrown at you at once. Even if you fail, there are a multitude of actions to take, things to do, objectives to accomplish. Life to enjoy.

Perhaps philosophy is right when it suggests that beauty is useless because it has value beyond usefulness.

I must discipline my mind.

2011-01-31T01:26:00.001+08:00

I am so much stronger than I ever knew. I am practical, I am realistic, I am a logical mind. I will always have honesty. I will have everything I ever wanted.

2011-01-30T20:11:00.003+08:00

I like honest poetry,
I like keeping passwords the same,
I like the catharsis of space clearing,
I like songs sung tenderly, that have little touches that exceed the general so that I know they are meant for us,
I like finishing things,
I like being able to see it in your eyes,
I like being so fantastically happy that I have sure knowledge of the future,
I like feeling as though the world is easy,
I like feeling unlimited,
I like traditional holidays though I don't know why they are important,
I like feeling smart, and have surges of power start up in me,
I like being okay and moving on from things that are potentially disastrous but I don't let them be,
I like being efficient and using every bit of time effectively,
I like taking naps in the rain,
I'd like it better if I could wake up in your arms,
I like intelligent essays that are easy to read because the author is intelligent enough to know that five-line sentences are not intelligent at all,
I like being right,
I like keeping my blog private (relatively),
I like being with you,
I like when you smile in disbelief,
I like the thought that I am going to spend the rest of my life with you most of all.

2011-01-09T15:37:00.003+08:00

I do not know this word "can't", I constantly empower myself and find time to complete my tasks. I am free, this is all going towards a life with you. I must remember that life is so very short so I would like to spend as much time as possible staying calm with you and knowing that if life can give me this it can give me everything. I am a bright, focused young seventeen year old. I can figure things out for myself. I can carve out time for myself and to feel whole and not frustrated. I know that I will enjoy this year, because I have spent too much of the last year worrying about my self-worth and whether I can accomplish things, to the point where it inhibited my accomplishing things. So I have stopped being silly as of this moment, and will stand up straight and realize that I will not die if I do not check Facebook every five minutes. I have returned to the things that I love. I understand that I need time to be alone. I am fully capable of working through anything and everything, breaking things down until I am their conqueror. I am in complete control. This is everything I am. Calm, complete, with an unshakeable inner peace and resilience. I give myself good pep talks.

2011-01-07T15:00:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry I'm awful and tired and impotent and I don't grow

2011-01-07T14:32:00.002+08:00

Occasionally I panic because no one could possibly love me as much as I love them. How is this good for my soul?

I'm sorry for breaking my promise. I do still think about it.

2011-01-02T20:02:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I see eyes in the ceiling
tumbling over my scads of clothes
and burning through to my naked body
leaving me in a state of stillborn lethargy
unable to hold a pen upright
to form sentences that mean more than
the fog scraping at the edges of consciousness

this is when I have nightmares
where paralysis alone in the dark translates
to day

so very scared of this year. how is fear anything at all? will resolve this because I am strong and decisive.

2010-12-23T00:02:00.003+08:00

I do not know why I am so filled with fear or why I have a compulsion to doubt everything good in my life. I cannot accept that I am by nature self-destructive. I'm tired of being like this. I am a small child who has never moved to a new place or liked different patterns or made friends easily. Sometimes I am baffled as to why people put up with me. I will cease having crying fits and lying around like a dead animal.

2010-12-11T12:16:00.002+08:00

Where do we all go?

How is it that we are expected to make resilient decisions and change our circle of friends and keep moving and evolving and forgetting when there was nothing wrong with what you had in the first place? What if what you have is great? But then life must come and turn you around by the shoulders and send you off as a soldier in another direction. Where you leave people behind and you cannot come back to home. Well, after 17 years of knowing exactly what I was going to do, now it is different. Now I really don't know, and I'm chugging along to a rhythm that doesn't seem to get me anyplace. I only want the people around me to stay forever. But they all want to fly in different directions, and if they all fly away, then maybe I should too, so it will feel like a choice. But the thought of being strangers kills me, because these people have formed part of my soul, and to introduce distance would hurt more than anything. Or worse, it will happen slowly until one day I wake up and we feel nothing for each other anymore.

I need to know that I can keep our threads twined. That they will not break, and that any resilient decisions I make do not mean bearing the cost of losing any of you.

2010-11-24T19:38:00.002+08:00

Because in the end I do not think I am very old at all, and when I see someone with my wrists in the mirror I can't be more than five years old, looking for safety in the arms of a blanket and a strong chest. I would like the smell of mail planes and old letters and very hot coffee in the morning to be juxtaposed against the tedium everyone else holds up on their backs, while I sit in a hammock's bowl.

2010-11-23T12:06:00.001+08:00

I am in love with you.

2010-11-16T12:30:00.003+08:00

There is a soft clearness about the world today, starting from the moment I slept to when I woke up.

There is a never-ending thread wound around my consciousness that makes the sun warm and the breeze perfect.

Things feel right today.

2010-11-08T23:28:00.000+08:00

Because I can record my thoughts when I am happy too. And for the record, I am very happy.

2010-11-05T18:12:00.002+08:00

I am going to get help. I am going to help myself. I am going to force myself to do this. Even though I don't want to do anything at all.

But how would I tell them it would break their hearts

Maybe I should just suck it up

2010-11-05T17:00:00.002+08:00

Should I start cutting people off

because clearly

I am no good to anyone

I think I need to get help

2010-11-05T13:06:00.001+08:00

I am going to get dressed and wander today

goodbye

2010-11-05T12:58:00.003+08:00

OK I AM NOT DONE WITH FEELING LIKE A COMPLETE IDIOT WHAT THE FUCK CLEARLY AM WORTH NOTHING TO NOBODY I HATE BEING ALIVE CHRIST

I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS GODDAMN HOUSE AND FORGET ALL THIS STUPID FUCKING SHIT WHAT THE FUCK WHY AM I SO DEFECTIVE I REALLY FUCKING HATE MYSELF WHAT FUCK THIS FUCK SCHOOL FUCK ME I NEED TO LEAVE THIS

GOD WHAT THE FUCK

one day I plan to wake up dead

people convincing me to stay alive are doing me a disservice

2010-11-05T12:41:00.002+08:00

Because I am totally fine with being alone for another few years. I should not be wasting time like this and it would not be productive. I am absolutely right anyway. Look what happened last time.

UGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

ok done with feeling stupid.

How is it that I can write about a culture that feels more like home to me than this place ever would. I am relatively sure the inside of my own head is the entire world.

I need to go out and see myself.

2010-11-02T16:29:00.003+08:00

I am not crazy. I don't want to study alone today. I don't want to be alone ever anymore. If I am still on the honour roll why do I feel like shit? Why the fuck must I feel like shit every day? What the fuck is this? What happened to the person who could go home every day and study for six hours for fucking O levels and now that things are getting tighter and more important I am just losing it completely? I haven't even signed up for my SATs what the fuck. Do I even want to leave right after A Levels? Do I want to try my hand at business, or working for my mom, or writing a novel, what??

For the first time in my life I do not know what I want. It has always been "let's go live fairytale lives in ny" but now I just do not want to work towards well anything. No matter how closely I follow the schedule, I don't want what's at the end.

Omg what is this realizing that life has no meaning and going certifiably insane

I think this is why I feel so sorry for Demi Lovato

2010-10-29T19:23:00.000+08:00

I will stay alive a few more days

I will see something beautiful

Maybe I'll pray

2010-10-29T17:40:00.002+08:00

I cannot matter anymore. Seeing wrist against bathroom floor, I realize how easy it would be to be dead. I want to return to being empty bones, before anything formed in my mother's womb.

What are my options, really?

I think something inside me died today. I cannot stop thinking about it. It really would be too easy.

What's wrong with wanting life to be easy? If someone fucking thinks they have the right to tell you you have no moral courage, well then they are wrong. Because I have the motherfucking moral courage to say that living like this is not living at all and I am much better buried under the ground. For in that sleep of death what dreams may come? Dreams are so much easier than all this. I am consumed.

I will now pine away for that which I cannot have (everything) and leave myself on the hill at night. I will go buy a new Chinese dictionary as though I am taking my exam on Monday. I will find a way to stop the feeling of my head exploding and consider forgetting to eat so that I can wither away.

2010-10-29T15:45:00.003+08:00

Also, fuck. I really wish people would stop tweeting about the various parties they are going to. Yeah. I'm never going to go to a Halloween party with you guys. Yeah. I'm never quite going to be in the circle. Yeah I'm just fucking alone and crazy with my own fucking thoughts why the fuck am I here

SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK

I think at the end of each month I should take stock of how much I want to commit suicide. How about if I reach enough septendecillions I just do it?

2010-10-29T15:26:00.002+08:00

I don't want to think anymore. I just want to float and breathe free of cages.

I cannot see how being this unhappy is worth anything. If I am strong when I am angry, then why must I become angry at everything? I am everything that is made of iron but it is all melting from the inside out.

If my life is an endless amount of to-do lists to go somewhere and be something, well then perhaps I would rather be nothing, and live on a street with no friends and prefer to isolate myself from all that experience has taught me. That to stop breathing at high altitudes is necessary, so that I will weigh less. I think I finally feel what those girls feel because I can control what I eat. Just enough to survive. That's all I'm doing anyway. Surviving.

How can I care? Or more like not care? I will do my job and not work towards anything. That is my plan. It is a good one. I will forget schedules and appointments and I will forget that all of this ever happened and instead remember only the flowers at dawn and the warm orange of eight o' clock light. I will not work towards anything. I will simply do this all to get through. Because once I push through, I will be dead. They cannot say I did not try if I am stillborn. But I will come into another world much different, much more aware of every felling of childhood trees and protect myself.

I want to purge myself of this dimension and explore the entirety of existence where God will talk to me and hold my hand as he points out each baby star. I am only a vessel that glides, but I would so like to be a rocket.

2010-10-27T16:46:00.001+08:00

I think you have more of me than anybody else.

2010-10-24T12:49:00.002+08:00

I want so badly for someone to find me.

WILL SOMEONE READ THIS AND SAVE ME??

I hate feeling alone and stuck in limbo between half dead and surviving.

You don't know how badly I want to be dead.

You don't know how badly I want to be alive.

I am more at risk of suicide than anyone I know. But does anyone else see?

No. My outside is perfect, I am adaptable and perfect. Inside I am guilty of feeling too much and hoping to die. If I died they'd be sorry wouldn't they?

I don't hurt myself externally (mostly) so the worst part is that every spark of pain is internal. Aching. Wearing me away. Eroding all that I am and leaving me emptier than a glass of nothing.

I guess some things never change. Five years and sometimes I am the same as always.

2010-10-16T23:58:00.002+08:00

Sunsets are so temporal; a blaze of that which gives life. There are so many feelings attached to the sunset - satisfaction of a well-spent day, the resolution of two ends that are now a union, intertwined for ever.

There are days a sunset is only a reminder of disappointment, of procrastination, of forgetting.

Let me tell you of how I once began an affair with the afternoon sun. We were the embodiment of youth, kissed lightly and held tightly. We were old friends, tinging memory sepia and leaving me in a literal haze. Just like how I remember all our words and kept books, pressed leaves in grotty albums with crumbling spines. I have forgotten how to twirl an avalanche of words into elegant mathematics but I will relearn my embroidery and love once more.

2010-10-15T22:51:00.002+08:00

Am I ok with being alone?

I think I force aloneness on myself sometimes. Or is it just a byproduct of being quite so strange, so outwardly introverted, so literally two faced? Around everyone I can feel myself adapting a personality, codeswitching, and the only time I properly feel like myself is around myself. This is what I so fear; what if someone I fall in love with is someone I codeswitch with too? Maybe I can only properly fall in love with a person who is exactly myself. I am everything: I am beautiful, intelligent and immensely talented. I am instinctive, and I know what is right. I am connected to the universe (and am sometimes guilty of feeling all of the universe - the solar system in my solar plexus) and am too too in love with all that is human, and fragile, and obsessed with the notion that I am eternal. How will I die? How is it that we age? I am the same, and I have always been the same. I am one too old, with tears of aged salt.

I could be bounded in a nutshell and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams.

2010-09-11T21:00:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I am horribly crippled by doubt and this bizarre fear of failure that inhibits me from getting what I want anyway. This is madness. I feel pressure that isn't real. Pressure is in my mind. What is real is the paper in front of me. The computer in front of me. The 17 year old body I am in. I have only been alive for 17 years, yet it feels like forever. I am too young to feel so burdened. I say that with no resentment, I am stating a pure fact. It is a fact that emotions can be controlled, they cannot be touched and they have no name in concrete. I am concrete. A book is concrete. All the knowledge in the world is there for me. I do not know why I must live in perpetual fear. Because fear is an emotion, it isn't real. It can be controlled. It cannot be touched, therefore it cannot be there. What I want though, that can be real anytime. The chair I'm sitting on is the result of someone's wants coming true in the most absolute sense. I'm ready for everything life has to give me, and it is just giving it to me. I must take it wholeheartedly. I have everything I want. But I must let all these bloom and stop feeling fearful and guilty and negative and impotent. I have so much power in me. I amaze myself. To achieve catharsis there must be action, and this is what I'm doing my project on, for Pete's sake. I must claim what is real and let go of what is not. I am unstoppable.

I am invincible.

2010-09-09T16:38:00.003+08:00

It is difficult for me to constantly put my life into perspective, and to realise that I am the constant in my life. So with these few days off, I vow to enjoy the following:

1. My youth, and all its trappings - balloons, fairies, rainbows and dancing.

2. The music that is all around me.

3. My room, and knowing that it is my space.

4. Pretty dresses.

5. The freedom of my own mind - the freedom to relax, to just be.

6. Writing, writing beauty and ugliness and complexity and lightness.

7. My family - my mother, my brother and my grandfather, who are all treasures in their own right.

8. Myself.

I remember peace like the back of my hand. I finally feel like I can breathe. I can always breathe. My life never has to be claustrophobic, and the things that I fear are not real, nowhere near as real as this corporeal body that is not meant to grow old so quickly.

2010-05-04T17:44:00.003+08:00

I frequently do not understand myself at all. There is nobody better to tell me my motivations than me, yet I can't get myself motivated. I know what's at stake, yet there is this inexplicable dull, lethal cocktail of ennui, stress and frustration that is driving me insane.

History test: Haven't studied.

Chinese homework: Haven't done it.

Beliefs essay: Haven't done it.

Really tried: Haven't come close.

For somebody who wants everything, I'm certainly not doing anything to achieve it. What is wrong with this picture? Sometimes it feels like life is too much, everything is just too much.

I don't want to swear, I don't want to engage in vices. I want to curl up in a ball and forget the world as it is. I want to forget how to think, because how much easier is that? Being intelligent is the sickest double-edged sword in the world. What kind of life is this? I hate every second I'm going under I'm losing my mind. Avoidance is how I deal with alot of things.

I need to be saved.

2010-04-20T00:11:00.004+08:00

It's so peculiar to be doing this again, but I guess it's okay since nobody reads it. I have done more stupid things than I can remember. If these are all learning experiences, what am I working towards? Because now I just want to huddle beneath my blanket and talk to myself. Because there's nobody who understands me like I do. I feel homeless, even though I'm exactly where I wanted to be and I'm supposed to be exactly who I wanted to be and I'm not the mess I was four years ago.

This can be felt only by Simon and Garfunkel.

Tonight I'll sing my songs again,
I'll play the game and pretend.
But all my words come back to me in shades of mediocrity
Like emptiness in harmony I need someone to comfort me.

I want to write again, I don't remember feeling that feeling of being special. Why do I feel like a talentless lie now? Why have I not been able to feel invincible while debating, and why am I still the insecure mess I was four years ago? Words were once all I knew, and now they're worn. I am worn. Everything is slowly eroding me to the point where I am not going to be left with anything. A life, a soul, nothing. See, even this entry doesn't sound like me. I miss me.

2009-11-20T02:34:00.003+08:00

Irdk. Goodbye, shithole, may all the drama you brought leave me like I am leaving you. Goodbye to the cryptic messages which are the catty girl's bread and butter. I'm pretty sure boys don't get into these fixes, do they? WHAT IS IT ABOUT HAVING EXTERNAL SEXUAL ORGANS WHICH MAKES LIFE THAT MUCH EASIER?

I'll be doing things differently. I am thinking more before I do them, for a start. I am terribly narcissistic, more than anyone knows really. So I think sorting things out with myself is the best way I solve any problems.

I am a good person.

2009-09-19T22:49:00.002+08:00

I am not fat. I do not hate my body or feel my sense of self worth decreasing every time the weekend rolls around. I am healthy and just fine. This is not my life. I am not tired and I am not sorry. I will not be sorry. Everything gets better tomorrow. I live for myself and not anyone else.

2009-09-09T22:54:00.002+08:00

for the first time it feels like you are all older than me.

how can you work towards a goal when you don't even know what you want? I know what I want and I know that working will get me there, but how does the work make me grow as a person? What kind of life is the restriction of daily discipline, eating right and exercise? Yeah it feels good. But it's too peaceful and I don't feel alive anymore.

Doing math every day has side effects. Remember this, kids!

This year I am supposed to show everybody what I am capable of. Come on, self. You have two months.

2009-09-05T22:51:00.002+08:00

To any extraterrestrials who may be reading this/plotting to conquer Earth and all its inhabitants:

Say what you want about us [Goods Omens-esque 'We come up with things Hell never even thought of'], but look at what beauty we make.

A further note to you otherworldly beings [not inclusive of Taylor Swift]:

Sneaking up on kittens like a ninja is immensely fulfilling.

I am who I want to be.

2009-09-04T15:16:00.001+08:00

"il how, they're just some band but we've turned them into some horrible sinful life-ruining entity. or u have."

I'M A LIFE RUINER. I RUIN PEOPLE'S LIVES.

lol ilysfm oflahertie.

2009-09-01T16:01:00.000+08:00

Beautiful rainy Tuesday afternoon; deceivingly like a Sunday. It is a day to indulge in poetry and romantic short fiction, the saturated colour of the trees outside, crayons, and a best friend. I must work, but I will enjoy it.

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."

Thank you, St Jude. I like to think my mother was right. Perhaps it wasn't a big miracle, or I made it happen myself, but I like to think there is no misplaced faith.

Bizarre enough coming from me, but anything is anything is anything. I am stopping being silly, even if I make mistakes, and treasure my moments. I am not afraid anymore! What was I even afraid of?

2009-08-28T23:53:00.002+08:00

tgif. well technically it's saturday already but ah well.

there's something about fridays; something that must make them so special. the relief after a long week of surviving? it meaning that you can talk to your friends a little longer, like you have some me time? that sparkly glow just knowing that fridays are a little more magical than other days. it's the start of the weekend and you have two whole days which you know are going to be wasted away on frivolous, insignificant things but you do them anyway. even though you are filled with purpose, empowered by the promise and potential of a whole two days away from the regular routine. when your room is cold, and you have a good friend to talk to.

I like to imagine my own indie boy with dark brown hair, fuzzy jackets and green eyes that know me. He'll be really nice.

And I call you and say, C'mere!

2009-08-17T20:26:00.002+08:00

Terry Pratchett is the bomb diggity.

I would be Samuel Vimes if I were a character from the Discworld.

I'm always two drinks under.

Lol, god. I hate looking at old posts. I love how every three months I just look back and go, god, I'm stupid.

2009-07-06T22:36:00.002+08:00

so here I am to detail me and tazzy's sexcapades today. or more like lack of them.

basekly we went around moaning about how horny we were and how much we needed to GET LAID. LIKE A CHICKEN.

after eating, seeing a bb that looked exactly like joseph gordon-levitt, we went on our hot guy mission. sadly we only saw three, one of which had a small mullet and ate alone.

then we roamed around alot and I decided it would be rly fun to make tazzeh try on a lot of slutty clothes but she made me try them on too so we just went everywhere like topshop and guess and did that and walked out and traumatised alot of people.

ummm it rained and i regretted not buying the michael jackson time commemorative edition wtv thing from hmv. omg ed hardy has the fiercest wellingtons idek wat i would wear them with.

I LOVE THE FEELING OF ALCOHOL IN MY TUMMY.

THAT + GETTING LAID MUST BE REALLY GR8.

2009-07-03T22:02:00.002+08:00

O hay Dylan Sprouse. Long time no see.

Unf.

So I've got this totally bitchin ulcer and I don't mean that in like a omg-this-wave-is-ttly-bitchin way but in like a FML way. There is nothing quite like the dull throb of a three day old ulcer, which pulsates when you attempt to relax your jaw, and constantly evokes a feeling ~~aiken~~ akin to a thick needle boring through your cheek.

I cut my hair today. It's all shoulder lengthy now!

Oh okay I HAZ NEWS.

WE'RE EXPECTING.

Oh yes. My white cat is mcpreggers and I'mma ttly wishing the babies will be aryan.

Also, there is this amazing ... Idk know what you would call it but it looks vaguely like cake, comes with ice cream, a layer of fudge, a layer of caramelnougatidk and a layer of chocolate. and then maltesers on top. Why hello 8th wonder of the world. Pyramids? Pfft I say.

And I'm prolly like the last person on this Earth to ever read 1984. I was pleasantly surprised. Damn, George. I DIDN'T THINK UR DYSTOPIC NIGHTMARE WOULD BE QUITE SO HOT.

Fucking foxy.

Hay homework. You wish I were doing you.

2009-06-25T00:51:00.002+08:00

People I really want to be, in no particular order:

1. Emma Watson.

2. Danielle Panabaker.

3. Whoever is in Nicholas Hoult's pants. What is it with naughty British boys? If Nickho is unavails, I don't mind me some Robert Myfuckstick Pattz.

People need to hit up Emma Watson's fucking teen vogue pics. GOD SHE IS SO FUCKING AMAZING I WISH I WERE HER OMG FML HARDWORKING BEAUTIFUL BURBERRYCHANELWEARING BITCH.

e news should never again report that SOMEBODY FELL DOWN. esp if it is kstew. thank you.

2009-06-01T22:14:00.002+08:00

I love cappers so much. I think it really is true, they're like my second home. I feel like I am home when I'm with them, and that I don't have any potential because I've already reached it. I'm my best self there, and it is just this amazing escape to what life should be all about. I need to remember this feeling always.

2009-05-27T21:31:00.001+08:00

my lust for freddie fielding is so unhealthy.

2009-05-25T21:28:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NADIA FO FADIA FALAFEL.

I LOVE YOU MUNCHILY. :O

u r sparkly. more than rpattz!

<3<3<3

legal fellow.

IT TASTES LIKE JAMIE BELL.

2009-05-21T12:28:00.002+08:00

Fail fail fail! Fail america! My mom wants to cut you and I do too. Simon will not stand for this. Literally.

But I guess it is good because now Adam does not have to sing that shitty song and will not be forced into mainstream servitude. I'm still ttly bitter though. But at least Cassie promised me he'll be on Broadway and be our trannyfabulous fag. And it is true that Adam will still be a star nmw. Kris gets Keith Urban and Adam gets KISS and Queen. Ok. I am comforting myself. I think this is the most emotional Idol season ever tbh. Idk why. I'm not even like a -fan- but he just totally totally deserved to win. irdk why I care so much. Maybe it's because he's gay. And you know that other thing which people in school or Singapore aren't allowed to talk about on the internet.

I blame the teenage girls. It was bad enough seeing it yesterday in school.

On the upside, I wrote this qt little 150 word thing on cream puff love letters full of baked goods puns.

Last night I stayed up and listened to Lola on repeat. How amazing is that song. It is in my top five.

2009-05-14T20:34:00.002+08:00

they get drunk and things start to happen.

I think I like my life right now. It's good. I enjoy myself a little more each day, and am gaining a little insight as to the vastness of the future. I really could be anything. Good friends, good food and feeling free. I'll be printing pictures of rainbow, cake and New York. Tacking up ribbons.

It is amazing how life changes a little bit every day.

I honestly came here with the intention to gripe a little, but I'd rather not. People are people -andsometimesitdoesn'twoooorkout- and it's not my place. I have what want. I know good people and other less desirable examples of human don't matter to me.

I love the cherry blossom girl. She lights up my life!

2009-05-13T16:05:00.003+08:00

good girls go bad SEVERELY mindraping. ugh SO GOOD. cobra songs are just generally sexytime but umm hello leighton being all hot. I wish this song could happen irl tbh. TO ME. I dance to this song in the mornings. Eagerly awaiting Hot Mess. Despite the Pete Wentz noiseshitfjuckery. lol I'm reading this hilarious review --> "drew coast-to-coast acclaim for its idiosyncratic blending of eclectic party anthems and witty cultural critique." I love alternative reviews. Holden rolls in his rye field. Why can't we just say they're really really good and be done with it? I actually think Gabe is a little bit of a musical genius sometimes tbh. Though I find the fact that DioGuardi wrote GGGB a little weird. Because I hate her so much. But ok she wrote for A-tizz and Hilary so ya. Maybe she's just annoying in person.

on a related note, I'm sorry to say that pretty reckless is catchy. I KIND OF LIKE HER VOICE OK

And omg TAAAAAYLOR. Slutty Taylor to be ex-act. I love it. You belong with me is one of the very few videos I have downloaded in a while. THIS I RLY RLY WISH WOULD HAPPEN IRL. OH THE WRITING AND THE SKETCHPADS. QT OVERLOAD. I doubt I could love her any more srsly. She is SUCH A TEENAGE GIRL. Don't you just die with all the costume changes. I know I do. EMO TAYLOR. BAND GEEK TAYLOR. HIPPIE TAYLOR. PROM TAYLOR; SLUTTY AND NOT. I love them all!

omg I just remembered American Idolllll. Tonight. ~*~*~*~ I'll feel like shit when it's over cuz there won't be anything to look forward to on Wednesdays anymore. Which you may think really says something about my life but I enjoy this simple pleasure.

mm the sun is delicious. I like having my aircon on and the window open. And a cat or two a-purring. Or eight, which is the current count. Let's hope it ends there anyway. I'm feeding the neighbourhood!

2009-04-26T17:51:00.002+08:00

So the kinks are slowly moving up on my list as best band ever. Good lord what have I been missing.

And my blog is back and looking sweet and happy. Pleased, are ye, Nadia?

I have decided life will be loved, even if it fucks me over occasionally, everything happens for a reason.

APPLES. I just felt like saying that. Apples are a particularly joyful fruit.

I'm doing social studies right now and I gotta say the links for managing healthcare are just not coming to me. But they will. I have faith!

I have decided that I will write an amazing trippy British song by the end of the year. And to try to get rid of my social awkwardness.

Mhm I'm back.

2009-02-10T20:17:00.002+08:00

she got the power in her hands.

i'm electric-feeling it even though elton mcjohnny john is stuck in my head doing his tiny dancer thing.

that came out badly.

so friday was um good. still riding the wave of awesomeness. is it wrong that I feel a little bit invincible? a blair waldorf kind of fierce.

I need to stop quoting Helena's lines. I think it's a curse that they are the only ones I remember because their sheer fuck3ry is so memorable.

my stalking is failing me. I guess even I have limits.

Whatever. I'm getting cheese fries.

screw english and all of its humble [read: incompetent] servants.

2009-01-11T13:35:00.002+08:00

I am this close to giving up entirely.

Because schoolwork is just that much more important. And I will quash the silly writer romantic who says that idle daydreaming is worth more than oxidation and reduction reactions anyday, and maybe just kill her off so that the ending of the series doesn't conclude with a loser bumming around ITE.

[this open space represents what I'm too afraid to say.]

And I felt so bad when your mom
Caught us eating ice cream in your
Room at three in the morning.

I am far too much of a teenage girl. And I hate it.

2009-01-05T23:24:00.002+08:00

hey batter batter hey batter batter swing. I wonder if it's the zefron pens that made me do that, or the lurkery.

I think I spent like a total of only half an hour online today. I swear to god i attempted chemistry but just kind of gave up. Plus there were *far* more pressing issues to attend. Which manage to take up over an hour and a half of my time rather enjoyably I must add.

Tomorrow is the first day of srs bsns school. I'm not going to fall the fuck asleep. I'm not. I have cereal to perk me up ok :@

GAMEFACE.

Why is neither bbc nor bbg replying. Those bitches.

I've got so much to do and only so many hours in a day.

Got to decide, got to decide.

On more than one issue. Sounds to me like I don't know what I want either.

... I wonder if in five years I'll even be able to decipher these.

Holla.

2009-01-04T17:36:00.002+08:00

i admit I'm slightly terrified to blog now.

YEAH THIS GOES OUT TO YOU LURKER. Deny your stalker skills by all means.

i have only completed two history essays. I'm so rusty. Not that i was ever proficient at it but wtebs. Fuck fuck fuck school. Fuck procrastination. IDC I'M GOING TO GET MY HOMEWORK DONE OK THEN I WILL NOT BE SHUNNED :@ ... Right after this post. Ya.

Then you say
Go slow
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds.

Learning to play this song rn. il my piano. I can now play Love Me Tender, When I Fall In Love, Moon River and Manhattan. Not counting previous achievements like Vienna.

idgaf about the policy of appeasement :@

Do I or don't I get chemistry tuition. Decide bitch decide.

Yeah okay even though school has started I'm still kind of happy. The kind of happy only people can bring~

If zits were mines then my face is a minefield.

I don't really have anything to blog about. 4 chemistry papers good god.

2009-01-02T02:06:00.002+08:00

What the fuck I don't know whether I want you to read my mind so fucking accurately that it scares me half to fucking death.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS? HOW CAN YOU FUCKING TELL?

YEAH I DON'T KNOW WHY I DO BUT IT IS SO DISTURBING THAT YOU EVEN KNOW THAT. ... HOW CAN YOU GRASP THAT FROM SOMETHING TOTALLY UN-FUCKING-RELATED.

School is really fucking imminent.

I have so many questions and fuck-yous and doomsday messages for the world.

I'm missing this, this being a giant both-arms-flung-out in your direction kind of thing.

2009-01-01T05:47:00.000+08:00

best new year's ever.

something that felt a little like magic.

surreal as hell now.

2008-12-27T02:38:00.002+08:00

HEE HEE HEE GOD I'M BEING SUCH A GIRL RIGHT NOW HEE HEE HEE.

I'M HEEHEEING RN CAN YOU TELL.

yeah ok.

When I Fall In Love is such a beautiful song. Learning Manhattan on the piano. I will conquer this shit, bitches!

Stole some j buckley and the first joel. Lalalalala.

My brother is off to Ireland.

2008-12-26T04:19:00.002+08:00

My god I need to get over this late night 4am I'm going to blog cryptically while lurking facebook thing.

Just did a mini room cleanup. Just the desk though because the rest of the room is still reeling from the effects of my epic Monk-like cleaning spree a couple weeks back.

So Christmas is like, over. It actually feels like it didn't happen, the only evidence being my horrifically bloated stomach which came about due to watch an entire series of The Unit in one day and eating turkey and mashed potatoes drowned in gravy like every four hours. They fucking killed Hector wtf iled him.

Still have the series finale of Pushing Daisies to tackle. I think I'm subconsciously saving it for a day when I'm incredibly depressed.

So bbc and bbg need to come over and deflower this gossip girl tv verz virgin. Cuz I now haz series. Tbh I just don't like liking things when everyone else does. Yes I'm stupid that way. It's incredibly Gair of me. O I also have Another Cinderella Story and Ballet Shooz with Emma Watson who needs to die just because of the fuqery that is her perfection. But cashie does not rly want to watch Selena but if she can handle twilight GIRL CAN DO ANYTHING. Though she will probably not be able to handle the Duffathon. It's on.

I HAVE TWO NEW ZITS ON MY FACE AND I WANT THEM TO GO THE FUCK AWAY.

Ladeeda dang. I will not hgb myself to sleep. No. No she says as she unravels her ipod earphones.

Thoughts of new year's continuously lurk in my mind.

2008-12-24T04:38:00.003+08:00

God I have some kind of disease where all i do is reread my chat transcripts and lurk facebook even though I know nothing has changed in the past ten fucking minutes.

Yeah it's 4.41am. I know that. On Christmas Eve. Yet here I sit singing to Here In Your Arms and being totally stupid because I know I'm going to pay for this in the morning when I have to wrap presents.

Drop it like it's hot just came on shuffle. Gawd why am I suddenly reviving all my p5 jams.

Merry Christmas and a happy New Year.

2008-12-23T20:34:00.002+08:00

I enjoy going to smugopedia. If only people would post there more often.

Love
Socrates' speech on love in the Symposium--arguing that love is merely a longing for immortality and ideas are immortal--is just a conceit of the intellectual. I prefer Aristophanes' speech, imagining a world in which humans were once four-armed, four-legged, and two-headed balls who tumbled around doing cartwheels, each one split in two and yearning to find their other half.

For god's sake how beautiful is that.

I finally went on that month overdue run. And did crunches like a bitch. I have also finally completed my christmas shopping although everyone should know that i bought absolutely NO presents for any friends. Ya. There is nothing worth buying ok. Except that I saw the almost-perfect thing for bbc but had no fucking money. I'm making her cupcakes anyway. And giving greg cake because he is easy to please like that. omg no winking. Anyway baq to the presents. I found my grandpa some obscure azn books and discovered the store to be a veritable goldmine of cap bewks. I FOUND THIS ~*VINTAGE*~ eye on the world from motherfucking 1999. And all my mentor's books. And many other mentor's books. ... Ya I can't believe I almost purchased azn literature for myself. I was going to buy jeffrey's books but i was money-less.

Circus rapes mind.

I have a shitload of gift wrapping to do. Ok. List to myself.

1) Wrap presents

2) At least start on your motherfucking chem homework, oh my god

3) Label new file

4) Omg purchase your fucking schoolbooks sometime this century

5) MAKE EZ-LINK CARD YESTERDAY

6) Start srs bsns reading again

7) Email Ms Lim with anthology piece

8) Arvon write-up for straits times

9) GET THE HISTORY TOPICS FROM SOMEONE?!

10) Start on pondering journal.

I have yet to pick out what I'm going to wear for Christmas. Only plaid skirt is confirmed. And red tights. And shooz.

I think I haz new year's down at least. lmao il how unorganised we are.

Sometimes I find my heartbeat quickening with unnecessary anticipation for things that might very well be anticlimactic. I should just not expect anything. That's what I'm telling myself.

I'm off to make something like the second log cake. Pray that it works out.

2008-12-22T02:44:00.002+08:00

we could be made for this wait and see.

I am srs bsns missing some people rn. hellogoodbye constantly playing in my head not helping the situation and making me feel giddy and schoolgirly and feeling like ice-skating.

I realise that life gives me a lot to think about, and I don't nearly think about things enough. Likely I think more than the average person emerging from the hallowed halls of our lovely little convent, but let's follow my own standards. I need to read more. And have like a thinking journal of things to ponder. I used to be a ponderer. Now I'm just the lame leaf in the lame stream floating along lamely. There are could-be's and what-if's and hows and whys and motives and agendas and reactions and plans and goals and acceptance and striving. Then there's reasons for throwing away the granulated sugar for the log cake, or laughing hysterically at 1am, watching egg beaters.

Now I wonder how I ever ran out of material. There are lots of lessons to be learned from egg beaters.

I bought new jeans and they fit beautifully. I shall wear them on new year's.

Boats and Birds is a beautiful song. I'm a sucker for any mention of stars.

Sh sh sha.

2008-12-16T22:14:00.002+08:00

WOW I JUST HAD THE BIGGEST LULZ OF MY LIFE.

“Are you kidding? You think we’re in some movies or some Low Kay Hwa’s stupid melodramatic novels?”
“Are you kidding? You think we’re in some movies or some Low Kay Hwa’s stupid melodramatic novels?”
“Are you kidding? You think we’re in some movies or some Low Kay Hwa’s stupid melodramatic novels?”
“Are you kidding? You think we’re in some movies or some Low Kay Hwa’s stupid melodramatic novels?”
“Are you kidding? You think we’re in some movies or some Low Kay Hwa’s stupid melodramatic novels?”
“Are you kidding? You think we’re in some movies or some Low Kay Hwa’s stupid melodramatic novels?”
“Are you kidding? You think we’re in some movies or some Low Kay Hwa’s stupid melodramatic novels?”
“Are you kidding? You think we’re in some movies or some Low Kay Hwa’s stupid melodramatic novels?”
“Are you kidding? You think we’re in some movies or some Low Kay Hwa’s stupid melodramatic novels?”
“Are you kidding? You think we’re in some movies or some Low Kay Hwa’s stupid melodramatic novels?”
“Are you kidding? You think we’re in some movies or some Low Kay Hwa’s stupid melodramatic novels?”

God it is like reverse crack but still addictive.

Douchecancer. U HAZ IT.

O WAIT. OIC.

“Hey, movies and novels reflect real life. Trust me on that, dude.”

o i c.

ryan ross just died because he cannot evar top this kind of profundity.

2008-12-15T19:36:00.002+08:00

so I'm feeling pretty goddamn fierce right now. Lily still influencing me.

today I went to the dentist to get my mouth abused. but it gave me an excuse to wear tights. hurhur. with my woolly skirt. yay.

I RLY RLY RLY MISS SOME PEOPLE WHO ARE AWAY.

Mhm.

fuck i abuse the 'enter' bar don't i. but my thoughts are broken up as such. so I suppose it's all right.

I ttly got recognised at tuition today. The look of disbelief from people who knew me way back when still makes me feel good. Shamelessly.

So. My... Idk the word right now. Qualm? for the day would be people who find significant others every five seconds. Idgi. Is there like a secret club? Do they all just pop out of the woodwork when you want them to? Of course things can happen when you least expect them to, but i still dgi. Maybe they make them up. LIKE JOANNA MADE UP LANDY. RITE. Gosh that book is already teaching me life lessons. I'm ttly on another one right now. Me and fo fadia need to read the rest kthx.

i ate many nitrates in the form of hot dogs today. omg it was one time.

I HAVE NOT PURCHASED A SINGLE CHRISTMAS PRESENT FOR ANYBODY AT ALL. AT FUCKING ALL. I'm ded.

omg where did november go. bitches, where!

NEED TO FINISH WATCHING AUDITION PLS. NAO.

Definitely plan on conquering me some fucking guinea pig filmz. VIDEO NASTY BBS.

note to self: pls write something. ty.

2008-12-14T23:42:00.002+08:00

the creature known as nadia forces me to update.

meanwhile, I wait patiently for my bbcass to be comforted by milo. the drink. yes. just clarifying. till then I shall continue my foray into Shakespeare and talk to people.

I want to finish watching audition ok. I AM NOT GOING TO CHICKEN OUT. The first part of the movie was srs bsns lulz so far but me and bbc both know it is going to FUQ US UP l8er.

today was extremely uneventful, save for my marked decision to stop being a procrastinator. yes. I am just going to stop. ergo I cleaned my room + house like a psycho bitch and then proceeded to Midsummer it. But srsly though. CLEANING MAKES ME FEEL V ACCOMPLISHED. Because deep down I am still the seven year old who came straight home and finished all her homework by 4 o'clock and had a personal timetable that she made herself.

hmm the fear rapes my mind, is bbg's fault. SO MUCH OF THE FIERCENESS LILY.

I just want to use your love tonight. 12:14:16 AM
shriek away bb

See if he got koolaid! 12:14:33 AM
WITHOUT A SOUND

DUCWIDT

O yes bbc. OICWYDT.

i do not look like beyonce. GTFO NO.

2008-12-09T21:20:00.002+08:00

Did much roaming around the foreign entity known as Suntec with Sam and Pierre before he leaves for France for 19 days.

Bolt was watched. Survived the weirdness that be 3-D. Forced Sam to decide where we would eat [meaning me and Pierre, not Sam at all] through such nefarious means as scissors paper stone.

Sam does not understand the concept of awkwardness.

Made several dirty jokes that basically went right over little gangster Sam's head.

Thank you Pierre, for leading my mind to the image of Santa being distilled in a chem lab. Because we all know that Christmas Coffee = Essence of Santa.

More roaming.

Me and Pierre making a futile attempt to find Jeremy Sheldon's book. Then giving up on that and concentrating on things that could relate to his life instead.

Then there was leaving and hugging at train stations and smiling on the train after.

It was a good day. I'll miss them.

Alleged plans for New Year's that involve escaping my family and staying out all night simply to roam. I need this to happen.

So there is just something in the water lately. Attention is a weird thing to get after 15 years.

Surreal. Maybe it's my sudden working of teh skirtz. I totally wore my plaid one today hell yeah. Ngl felt qt/fierce. Dnw jeans anymore. Except for tomorrow because it is my Stalker Wednesday with my very own fo fadia and we need jeans to blend into borders. Yes. I declare it to be so.

RARH GODDAMN SO CONFUSED I DON'T KNOW. I really don't think it's in my head. Yeah it was all fuq u then but now I'm confused again.

2008-12-06T00:48:00.001+08:00

THANK YOU GOD FOR THE BEST FUCKING AWKWARD TURTLE MOMENT I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED.

UM CANNOT BELIEVE EYES.

IS DED.

2008-12-01T22:41:00.002+08:00

so i finished dirty sexy money in like two days. fuck. well it did have only like ten episodes. fuck.

well i started on chuck and damn y so fine. Y. Y. Y.

omg between Josh, Lee, and Mr Levi there I HAVE NO HORMONES LEFT. NONE. it doesn't help that chuck ttly reminds me of my piemaker bb. I refrained from making a dirty "he can make my pie anytime" joke. the vatican does not approve.

anyway my habit of randomly searching keywords and clicking on blogs has resulted in my discovery of this college boy in chicago who sounds altogether far too much like me for my own comfort, although it does give me comfort knowing that someone halfway across the world is sharing my brainwaves. He stopped his blog in like 2006 though. God maybe he died or something. I'll never know. Both blogs stop at 2006. I miss him. I wish he would post and tell me he forgot about his blogs because he's too damn happy to give a fuck about blogging. Because he doesn't need it anymore. I wish he would. Because I still need his blogging.

I'm having far too much of a Holden Caulfield ~~moment~~ year. I feel like everyone around me is a big fucking phony. They either don't really care about me because studies are far more important, or write because it makes them feel self-important, or just have better things to do in general. I resent these people, because I wish I were just like them.

All their writing sounds the same. I may have lost my passion for it, either that or it's meandering somewhere between pretentious second-person ~~oneshots~~ oh I'm sorry, short stories and the descriptions of some place which has nothing to do with anything, because it's not a place that matters, but what goes on in the place. A place has nothing if you dedicate two lines to a character, and then proceed to wax lyrical about the still twilight.

FUCK THIS.

Goddamn.

I can get through this week I can get through this week I CAN GET THROUGH THIS WEEK.

Everybody's too busy giving a fuck about themselves.

Well too bad for me, giving a fuck about just about everything.

2008-11-27T22:26:00.002+08:00

My love for pushing daisies has begun. Anna Friel is like jenny lewis except british and maybe even qter.

Hello Lee Pace. Hello. Hello. Your vast amount of youtube clips overrun my browser. Here I am contemplating why you are so attractive even as a woman. What is this.

either my hormones are still reeling from the rpattz lust, or... idk. Please marry me now, Lee Pace. Pls. I'm sry for my lack of faithfulness Josh. You are still my number one, but look at the man. I am sure you would understand. I would lose my shit if a man this sexy evar came into the same 100 mile radius as me. my heart stops listening to just his voice without even seeing his face does that tell you anything.

jfc Lee Pace.

Meanwhile, my list of objects of affection [do you see my tooma reference] is steadily growing. I think I am going to implode from the sheer sex that the world has to offer. IMPLODE. Oh the beauty that is the opposite sex. THE SHEER BEAUTY. idgaf that i just used sheer like twice. WHATEVER. IT'S DESCRIPTIVE.

okay short interruption for me to scream FUCK FUCK FUCK JUST STOP IT LEE PACE I MAY FAINT IF YOU DON'T STOP BEING LEE PACE TY okay. moment over. -breathes-

i need to stop watching his clips. soldier girl does not exist. it doesn't.

ok.

i am getting my life together.

Gonna miss you bbgirl <3

2008-11-26T14:52:00.003+08:00

even i acknowledge how badly i need to change my blogskin. but urgh. laziness.

for the first time in a long time, I am blogging out of sheer boredom. Srsly. I just woke up and was bored. I planned to study but cannot bring myself to do that thang.

so last night I finally caught the rpattz disease ty. Me of all people. What is this, srsly! HE IS NOT EVEN ATTRACTIVE AND HE WAS ONE OF THE MOST IRRITATING THINGS EVAR AS CDIGGORY. What is this. Why do my insides feel deep lust for this dirty hobo. I have come to the conclusion that nadia is right and it is simply ontd's fault and otherwise I would not be going through this strange, hormonal phase.

I had a very odd dream about snape last night. Someone was chasing me cuz I had something, idk, then snape helped me by distracting the evil chaser and giving me directions to the burma underground railway. I kid you not. But somehow the attacker managed to get thisclose to catching me, and there was a dead end, but suddenly they pointed out this trap door and I was all -JUMPS- but the attacker thought I jumped to my death because the fall went on forever. Eventually however, I ended up in a british verz of Sears, and some nice lady helped me out, where I jumped aboard a Christmas choo-choo train on the road and sped away, free from harm.

Ergo, from this I learn that burma underground railway = British Sears.

Ty snape. I appreciate it. Just when I was all freaked out, you save me.

I wonder if this is somehow connected to the sudden onset of rpattz lust.

I am spending way too much time on ontd.

ffs someone save me from holiday boredom hell. I really just want to go out and spend some more fucking money but I already did that buying skirts and pajamas and tops and well you get the point. I feel like being in paragon rn and guzzling christmas coffee and then going the fuck off to centrepoint to lull around the loft and it's pretty things.

goddamn it. plus nobody is around to take me out.

whines like a little bitch. mree we are in a recession. ok recession. stfd.

I want to watch the summer house.

2008-11-23T23:05:00.002+08:00

Okay. So I've come to a very pivotal decision in life.

I'm sorry Rupert, and the future of our beautiful redheaded children. But I need to do what's best for me. I belong with Josh Jackson, and that is all.

Because watching interviews with you and having Dawson's Creek constantly pumped into my bloodstream, what else is there? You are the single most wonderful man in the entire world, and I refuse to settle for anything less.

We are meant to be.

I love you and your Canadian-ness, your undeniable charm, and your very obvious physical attributes. The fact that you are probably one of the last real gentlemen on this here Earth contributes as well.

I love you.

We marry in the morning.

2008-11-19T18:54:00.002+08:00

Thank you to Cashie, Letters to Cleo and the boy on the bus for making this an awesome day.

Because I have been smiling and acting like one of those irritatingly happy girls. I danced all the way home down the street and continued to dance for a whole fifteen minutes in front of the mirror which felt ridiculously good. Uninhibited dancing is the best kind.

God I love this song.

I think awesome doesn't even cover it.

I think I need to get up and dance again.

I think I'm turning into Joey Potter. The good part anyway. Disregarding the whiny self-centredness. No wisecracks!

Life is wonderful sometimes.

I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'm beggin' you to beg me
I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me

I'll shine up my old brown shoes
Put on a brand new shirt
Get home early from work
If you say that you love me

Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'
Feeling all alone without a friend you know you feel like dying
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'

I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'm beggin' you to beg me

I'll shine up my old brown shoes
Put on a brand new shirt
Get home early from work
If you say that you love me
Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'
Feeling all alone without a friend you know you feel like dying
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'

Hey!
Feeling all alone without a friend you know you feel like dying
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'

I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'm beggin' you to beg me
I want you to want me
I want you to want me
I want you to want me
I want you to want me

I WANT YOU TO WANT ME!

2008-11-05T14:36:00.003+08:00

Okay so yesterday was pretty awesome. Started out the day by marathoning buffy and charmed with my fo fadia <3 and watching a scary cat hustle. We squee far too much over the man-prettiness on charmed.

DREW FULLER + ERIC DANE + JULIAN MCMAHON = WORLD IMPLODING.

Then after epic marathon-ness went to meet greg and cheryl at isetan, where we proceeded to walk to wheelock [greg is a hermit and did not previously know the existence of the underpass] and watch greg eat. Although i did have cake and hot chocolate. But they were absent of marshmallows, but naturally one cannot decline and say "BITCH THEN I DON'T WANT IT NO MO". After that we failed around borders and hmv where i bought disney mania and a walk to remember. then there was roaming of the entire stretch of orchard singing hsm sawngz just because we are hobos and there is really nowhere else to go.

IT'S ~~FRIDAYYY~~ TUESDAYYY BUT THERE'S NOWHERE TO GO...

Cheryl then proceeded to trick me and greg by luring us to the mrt and going home, but not before directing us to wisma, where me and greg discovered that yes indeed, NO ONE WANTS US AT 11.30 AT NIGHT. Walked slowly across the road, where people decided it was okay just to drive when there are young innocent children on the street. After that gave up and went home via wheelock cabstand where it was scary and there was a possibility of rape.

oh oh and i totally forgot where there was this underpass to the mrt and there's this whole row of aircons and we tried out each one. ttly the best part.

I was also totally randomly pissed last night but it's over now <3

2008-10-29T23:36:00.002+08:00

So here I am to give my perennial fuck you to the world. Okay no I'm not in that bad of a mood anymore. Though the world is still fucky. But less so cuz I just went to watch HSM3 for the third time. Oh yes bbs. Feel my power. ~*~*~*~ bbg can feel all accomplished now for ~cheering me up.

Night consisted of meeting bbg and rocococo at cineleisure and teehee twilight trailer. anyway. then hsm3 where we go the fucking win hsm3 combo with the popcorn thing and the two cups. I BROUGHT ONE CUP HOME :D:D greg thoroughly abused his by dropping it everywhere on the fucking street. tainted bbrohan during hsm3. :D:D:D After that went to buy bbg's sexbands [i don't even know why they are called that ._.] and then went to the fucking crazy turkish man to purchase ice-cream where I was victimised. But i ttly sang 'mix it all together' in my head as he tried to fucking plunge the ice cream or something.

i h8 being shorter than everyone. wtebs. I am going to grow, but will work whut I got now anyway because I have decided, with my darling cass' conviction that I am in fact ridiculously fierce. And if any bitches think they can push me around then they are messing with the wrong Wildcat. [I rly just wanted to say that. But I meant it tho.]

cappers>all.

Team Heart: but thats enough, because a cappers love is x100000000000 any normal persons
Team Heart: its just in a capper to love people
Team Heart: rohan said so before
Team Heart: he says cappers are just rly rly loving
Team Heart: and its ttly true

:D yes it is.

I am not going to use this post as an opportunity to bitch about *certain* people.

Instead, I leave you with this parting thought [was that redundant :O]...

Team Jaguchi Pants.: IT'S LIKE CATCHING LIGHTNING THE CHANCES OF FINDING A CAPPERRRR...

2008-10-25T00:28:00.006+08:00

HSM3. THERE ARE NO WORDS EXCEPT FOR EPIC.

IT NEEDS TO BE WATCHED AGAIN AND AGAIN. Thrusting!

Came home at like 12 plus. Felt like sew muppet gangsta.

omg so the first time round -hahaharoundyroundomgok- joyce, jody, justine (the j trifecta), nadia, ash and me. Got yelled at by some bitter middle-aged British bitch. Whatever. Our commentary fucking makes the show kthx and your kids were fucking orgasming in the front okay? Nadia provided interesting audio, although lack of commentary. But "SHE NEEDS TO STOP" was good. I think she, like benedict, was mesmerized by the Zefron.

"TROOOOOOOOOOOY~"

--> Mandatory to screech whenever.

Lamda fail. Go home. And stay away from my Matt Prokop bb. 2 COOL 4 U.

So second time. Everyone was freaking late and I fucking screamed at the ticket lady but all was well in the end and we came just in time for the bb hamster thing screeching to bet on it. Anyhoo. It seemed to pass so fast! I think me and Cassie and Greg's commentary was like beyond epic. And the prize for most sexual innuendoes ever the be uttered in a cinema at any given time goes to... US! But Bendy was different. Omg benedict hay we saw you being mesmerised by unclothed zefron. We saw you stroke that pumpkin bb. Lol the kid behind was so excited especially whenever Zef came on he was all screaming and dancing and his parents were all STFD but he didn't. Waved flag like bitch at the end. Showed peoples my hm socks. Note: Do not ever leave popcorn with Greg/Bendy because those bitches WILL eat it all and later leave the pumpkin behind like a used... never mind.

"TRANNY THROWDOWN!" Lol I'm so amazed people did not like cut him.

GREG IS NOT ALLOWED TO JUDGE CAMASHIE WHEN WE DO OUR THING THANK U. Or when I ~experience mochi. But really we should like busk and like freaking get ~~crack~~ money.

So we went to nydc and I was persuaded into trying a boney cake and there is this speshul way of eating it that is supposed to induce orgasm. But I had a ~disappointing rxn. It's really fucking good though, sweet as hale. :D Only afterwards did I finally felt the effect of the boney.

... Boney CAKE~ Gotchu thurr. Ergo laughing at anything basically ensued.

"ONCAR ONCAR!!111!!"

"ONCALL ONCALL!!!!"

"Debra's missing. GEDDIT LIKE DEBRA MESSING?!"

Punnage.

We sneakernighted on the street which was rly fun but we need to do it properly next time and have the song play out loud. LEARN THE DANCE, BBS.

Borders after hours:

"I have a habit-" *sniff*

"SO DO I BB"

atm bbg is trying to think of quotes. will post them when he is done. omg he is dirtier than me srsly. protect the kids! Omg no one make any pointed paedophilia remarks. Btw everyone colour failed except for cashie and i h8 you.

Next year, we should be all "SIXTEEN SIXTEEN SIXTEEN..." geddit cuz we turn 16.

ILU GUYS.

p.s. i'm sry i was supposed to blog about tbp but i'll do that when my brain is functioning again. no wisecracks pls.

edit here is massive quote-ness. copied from bbg starting nao [jsyk the me there is bbg.]:

An assortment of quotes while watching High School Musical 3:

Gabriella: TROYYYYYYYYYYYYY~!

Me: [laughs uncontrollably]

----

Ms Darbus: Okay everyone, take five!

Me: ...I bet Sharpay can take five. <-- I died there omg I couldn't stop luffing.

----

Taylor appears onscreen.

Me: ...I totally have that exact same necktie. Holy crap.

Later, an extra wears a velvet tie.

Me: Gross. I'd totally rather wear Taylor's tie.

Marie: You'd totally rather wear Taylor.

----

Ms Darbus: You need to discover yourselves.

Me: ...Isn't that something you do when you're like, 11?

----

Gabriella shows her Stanford acceptance letter to Taylor, who expresses shock.

Me: "Oh my God, are these your naked photos?! Damn that's hairy!"

----

Marie: [about Gabriella] Why are there daisies in her hair?

Me: Because she's a virgin.

----

Ms Darbus: [appearing in the dark theatre after Troy's solo angst scene] You seem very comfortable up there.

Random voice: I bet she sleeps there!

----

After Troy dances stripper-ly on a transparent stage.

Me: "Oh no, now I have dollar bills in my panties!"

----

Martha Cox: I thought you might need more dancers!

Marie: Bitch, please. She is 3 dancers all by herself.

----

Chad: You know guys don't take girls beyond high school.

Marie: Yeah, just take her virginity and go!

----

Cass: She's totally raping the dog!!

----

Marie: [fishing around in the pumpkin popcorn box] There's nothing in there!!

Me: That's what Gabriella said when she had her hand in Troy's pants.

----

Me: Troy is totally a lesbian. Just look at that butch haircut.

----

Troy: Think about all these possibilities spread out in front of us!

Me: It's not the only thing spread out in front of you. Right Chad?

----

Gabriella yelps orgasmically.

Me: All over the world, millions of paedophiles are experiencing simultaneous orgasm.

----

Troy takes off his shirt.

Me: All over the world, millions of preteen girls are discovering themselves.

We all laugh, except Benedict. We turn to check on him.

Me: Benedict? Benedict? [Benedict does not reply] ...He's totally mesmerised.

Marie: He's stroking his pumpkin.

----

Ryan wears pink pants.

Cass: I want those pants.

Marie: I want to be those pants.

----

Tiara: It's called acting. You should try it sometime.

Marie: Ooh, burn.

Me: Ooh, bad accent burn.

----

Troy: Was that what you were going to tell me?

Gabriella: One of the things, yeah.

Benedict: The other was "I'm pregnant!"

Me: "With Chad's baby!"

Marie: No, Taylor's!

----

Troy: Gabriella Montez. Stanford University, First Year Law!

Marie: What? LAW?!

Me: Exhibit A: COOCHIE!!!

----

Sharpay and Tiara have a face-off onstage.

Random voice: [about Tiara] Fail!!!

Me: [shouting] TRANNY THROWDOWN!!!

2008-10-22T01:22:00.002+08:00

SOOO IT'S LIKE 1.24AM AND I'M LIKE SOOO PSYCHED FOR THE BITING POINT IN LIKE 15 HOURS.

me and bbcass will cheer our bbgreg ON~

yay cashie is coming -dances-

Cassandra Sim Hui Zhen is attending The Biting Point. Comment

^HOLLA THANK YOU.

ehh so school will be foregone under the lame excuse of my fucking feet and ~~the fact that i really just do not feel like attending.~~ but my feet really do hurt like hell. it's the sellout shoes. they are EATING MY DAMN FEET. omg the blisters hurt so fucking much i walked home 1km BARE-FUCKING-FOOT on ground fresh from rain. but eh. there are worse things I could do~

so rn i'm just looking at the fierce little bb hsm costumes. the cheerleader ones are just PRIME. o i know greg wants the little bbs of colour. DOAN DENY.

i will wear hm socks in honour of TBP. no not black parade.

mother tongue bridging leaves much to be desired.

i'm sleepy. but i want to practise lucky until it doesn't sound like a bunch of bananas pounding the poor innocent ivories. but i'm getting better. now if only i had the focus to learn stronger. so far i have against all odds in my pocket, and lucky is almost there. i feel so accomplished omg. and the best part is learning it all by myself, without a teacher to nag me or anyone to push me. i don't get agitated and feel like it has to be perfect on the first try, and instead i just keep working till i get it right. -do not insert a song pun here-

i cut my hair. it is awesome. do not be jealin on my gay hairdresser and his awesomeness.

2008-10-19T23:59:00.002+08:00

You talk to me on the premise of not knowing what tiny hot chocolates they make, and for that I am forever grateful. You mark a milestone in my existence.

That is simply why secrets are so delicious, for this one is all mine.

I do not regret a single question, and even if I did at the time, it was wrong of me not to have asked, but to have expected you to give me the right answer.

I'm stuck for Katie Newark and her taxi driver dad.

Inspiration, come to me.

2008-10-16T20:13:00.003+08:00

i'm mentally replacing diane kruger.

~~pacey~~joshua jackson is delicious. that is all i want to say. except for this.

"Even fox news disputes this!"

hay thurr obama.

2008-10-09T21:47:00.002+08:00

Weeell i just got back from like four hours of math tuition and my brain is fried barbequed toasted smooshed. I totally spaced out for the last fifteen minutes and I have the world's most charming headache.

Send dates.

Come up with amazing storyline for Journeying the Fuck Home.

Not fail everything, but I hate being a whiny bitch so I'mma shut up about that. It's over, what can I do?

I keep rewatching Pan's Labyrinth. El Laberinto del Fauno is a much nicer title. She's ridic beautiful. Ivana Baquero I keep wanting to call Baroqua. I think it's my sudden urge to listen to classical music. Influence. I am currently getting my Mozart on. What I really wanted was the Tchai-man but I couldn't find nutcracker so i gave up. I am demanding a piano from my mother tomorrow. When I'm in a better mood and my head doesn't throb like the four horsemen of the apocalypse with double hooves. Poor Miley. You have been upstaged by a dead man. I seem to be alternating between motown and classical. strange moods.

Why is my catcher in the rye so... hmm, let's put it this way, well broken-in? Here's looking at you, hobo.

I think I'm half drunk. Drunk on lack of sleep. Ilu world not.

I should stop being addicted to drawing Vivian Leigh's perfect portrait, though I think I got a reasonable amount of herness in. Or attempting Bette Davis because I just fail at capturing her awesomeness. Let's not even go into KatHep.

A growing addiction seems to be movies that make me cry. Every afternoon I can go through like two. Though usually this consists of one being Pan. Omg terrible sentence structure shoot me.

I should be bathing so I can tallyho off to sleep and wake up just a little earlier to try my hand at some loverly math sums. Though nothing before 5.45 because then... Well i'm too lazy to expand on this.

I plan to buy joyce shien ling ash a present because it is very overdue and i feel guilty. there will also be the purchase of some fucking school shoes which are not from bata and do not decompose. and also clothes because I can.

Oranges oranges oranges.

I was sitting down today and suddenly "WATCH IT FOOTBALL HEAD" came stumbling out of my unsuspecting mouth and I remembered hey arnold's massive goodness. gerald. helga petacky is essentially my bitch. thank you for letting me identify with you all those torturous years in primary school. omg today i tried on my old uniform for shits and giggles and i am SRY2SAY it fits better now. Ugh I do not even want to remember what I looked like. Though i did wear my specs to attempt to achieve the effect ~~and ran away from the mirror screaming~~. i admit the shirt looked slightly questionable. -puberty happens fannahs-

F+MIDDLE NAME= FELENA.

I am a felena. oh em gee. DIDYOUHEARIM- k, no.

bath. i'll do it.

2008-10-04T21:05:00.001+08:00

I'm not really sorry that this lame excerpt of a story is not going to make up for lack of blogging. thank you.

“On a scale of one to ten, how much do you miss me?” Joshua could hear her giggling through the receiver. That tiny outtake, unnoticeable by majority of the human race, she heard. His ears made this pop sound, like when the hydrogen splint extinguishes at the mouth of the test tube, except that Andie was the test tube of this operation. But a dead silence raced, poured out of the tiny telephone holes, spilling into his lap.

“Andie? You there?”

“Sighing. You’re sighing. You know what I want? I’m tired of you sighing. You want to know, what I want? Someone who’s thrilled to hear my voice the moment they pick up the phone and can’t wait to tell me that I’m all they ever think about and they’re fucking batshit crazy for me and they’d watch bad movies with me without feeling or acting like it’s some boyfriend obligation because it shouldn’t be that, it should be them dying to get close to me every five seconds and being unable to keep their lips off mine at any given time, and smiling stupidly at the ground because that song reminds them of me, and failing tests miserably because I was sitting next to them in AP History, not that I want you to fail Josh, but it’s true, I’m selfish and I’m human no matter what my straight shoulder-length blonde hair and straight A’s tell you. You’re always pushing me away for Isabel who I know you don’t have any stupid romantic feelings for but you talk to her, never me, you turn away from me whenever something’s going on, in the bus or at school or yeah, even right now, on the phone, on this line. You’re making a mess of us even more than I’m making a mess of us, and maybe I don’t know how to handle you, and we don’t know how to handle each other’s infamous moodswings and maybe you’re the worst person I could’ve chosen to love, just like you said,and yeah you break my heart every day that we’re in this with little things or big things or things you don’t even realize hurt me because you’re so thick-skinned and don’t notice anything that doesn’t directly relate to the world of Joshua and it hurts so much just to love you without taking any of our complications into consideration at all but I can’t let go, I can’t let go so if you ever leave me I’ll probably be stalking you or committing suicide and still wanting you to be happy because you couldn’t ever find that with me, you couldn’t find the crazy love with me. And it’ll kill me because I don’t want anybody else but you’d expect me to live with it, right?”

The vacant gap where she was supposed to continue. It didn’t suddenly cease to exist. It was growing instead. Like a fungal-

“I don’t think I can handle you making me into a science analogy right now, Joshua. Goodbye.”

2008-10-01T21:48:00.003+08:00

sooo i'm here finally ending the chagrin of my fadia le fo.

my hhurt heads. <-- i typed this and then realised the extreme wrong. but i'll leave it there for you to ponder on the credibility of those scientifical claims that sports really do kill your brain cells. owell that's where running every day gets me. i can officially run 1.6 without stopping yay me. for someone who has always shown napfa the proverbial finger, this behaviour is remarkably out of character no? but armed with a silver and a yan xuan who constantly reminds me of the blubber I possess, i will conquer it by tallyho.

i watched the hot n cold video. hence dying.

umm watched first ep of boston legal season four. five? four. love u alan bb.

lips are chapped. no moisturiser. fuck.

bedtime. unfinished lit essays and untouched mole homework. Fuck this shit.

inevitable early wakeup call for me.

yaaaaay. i do not appreciate having only six hours of sleep.

2008-09-27T11:15:00.004+08:00

I try less everyday to miss you
But at this juncture it's the only issue of
beating hearts and broken names we no longer call each other by
You go back to the way you were and I return to my anti-reality where
You were as real as my future
The notes flat and the song overplayed and the ink run and dried up until
The paper is permanently disfigured like something else I know all too well
The sheets changed and a different colour than when you were on them and
The bedframe rickety from how you (me? we?) shook its foundations
and every trip to the bathroom involves in-depth soul-searching in the fogged up mirror
because I lost half of it (soul, not mirror or virginity) when I realised I lost you
and every fall on the floor makes me cry because its over as quickly as when we fell in love
where every thing that has nothing to do with you does now and I am powerless to stop it
because although books and motivational speakers have such faith in me
I have none in myself
least of all when it comes to you and how my heart is breaking over the span of my entire life
you choose to ignore it and write it off as the torn magazine that you could never check out of the library
the best part of it all is how it never happened and
how i'm hearing things
seeing things
feeling things
that never quite existed.

2008-09-26T22:00:00.003+08:00

I have made a deliberate decision not to be irritated with things that will never be solved in any way, shape or form any longer. Or some things that have nought to do with me.

bi ru:

1. When people of a certain type lock their blogs because they are so occupied with ~~their own lame lives~~ (sorry, aaron) um, nothing. No, I'm not pointing the accusatory finger of soured friendship at jody.

2. Shallow conversations. I have so many of those lately. Only joyce and yan xuan save me from the boo radley-esque feelings I constantly experience during LD. and of course my bb <3 and mass convos with bendy and brownshawts. and don't forget and josie and the pussycats songs make me feel so much better. too many ands in that sentence, the grammar nazi in my brain is currently bitchslapping me.

3. The sheep mentality. Oh it is rampant in our little havenonthehill. Where scripts don't get a chance because of the immediate assumption that an adult can write oodles better than a student, whee! Where everyone just succumbs to the man, because you know, fighting the good fight is just too much trouble.

4. Intentional Obliviousness Syndrome is the age-old disease where you think acting like a bimbo is attractive!

5. The things certain people at a certain table find funny. Omg it just isn't funny.

I can't find my basketball. I did however, in my eager-beaver search process, come across the Pokemon blow-up BOAT which I have not used or thought about since the age of seven. Damn that was the shit.

That concludes this subtly(?) bitchy post.

2008-09-21T18:47:00.002+08:00

I got a letter today
An invitation
And the writing looked like you
Hello how are you and by the way
Please RSVP I do
I thought of writing sad words of how it used to be
But I didn't want to bring you down, no
I guess the bells will ring pretty well there without me
Don't worry 'bout me baby I'll wear the thorny crown
I will play the clown

If you think that I don't love you, you're just wrong
And that don't matter now anyway
I couldn't bear to see you up there with a white dress on
Here's my vow to you
I'll stay away
I remember when in a lover's whisper you said
No other man would ever share your bed
Well we both know that's not been so
And I wish I'd never let you go now
You found a better man instead
I wish you health and wealth and a white house on a hill and I
I hope you raise a family
Little boy and a little girl, a little more joy in this little old world
Well, that'd be enough for me

Time rolls on
And dreams they die
And I've thrown out the pictures I had of you and I
And if you're ever wondering if love can be true
Well, think of me and remember darling like I, like I do
Old friendships fade away, love falls apart
And you've not spent a single day outside my heart
But, there's just one more dream that I have left for you
I hope you're smiling when he turns around and says I do

I do.

2008-09-16T19:22:00.003+08:00

omg cookie jar stop raping my mind NOW. i'm like grooving to it and singing hxc rn. omg omg stop.

STOP IT TRAVVIE!!!

I WENT TO COOKIE ANONY-

stop.

umm i need to buy taylor swift albums now because i do not want to dl all her videos even though her face is like ~*perfection*~ it gets troublesome to play with the video scroll thingy and fucking cycle on a road at the same time. i was literally two inches away from getting mowed over by this fucking mercedes. die you fucktard driver die NOW. i'm going to ignore the fact that i am smelling my hands atm because they smell like burnt rubber from gripping the handlebars too hard. lol that sounds so ~sexual.

nadia needs to update.

i now have a third aircon in my room. yes you heard me a third. it finally makes my room as cold as i want it. POLAR :D

i'm so paying for all my aircon usage in global warming hell someday. EVERYTHING I SEE, GLOBAL WARMING GOING GREEN, IDK WHAT ALL THIS MEANS-

I'm sure you don't, miley.

oh ontd. you are delicious.

umm happy birthday nick j. HAHAHA the radio told me! it'snotlikeiknow.

2008-09-15T20:59:00.003+08:00

OMGOMGOMG MY MENTOR SAID THAT WHEN I COME TO HIS HOUSE I CAN PLAY WITH HIS 9 MONTH OLD BABY FUCK I AM SO EXCITED.

i should prolly warn him that i will pay no attention to what he says and will kidnap his bb. -glomps-

so i was in a really bouncy mood today. till the end anyway.

wtebs.

I got tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around. My faith in you is fading.

In addition to being the perfect human specimen, taylor swift also reads minds. thank you.

mamma mia songs and driveway rape my mind. i officially cannot live without breakout. i love cycling with miley plugged in my ears :D MAI LI TIME!

so mega cassie appreciation today. omg jennow i ttly couldn't spell appreciation. mindfuck. bb i wouldn't have nothing if i didn't have you! i mean that <3 invisible walls for the fail. they suck, not us. THEY ARE NOT WORTHY OF THE GREATNESS THAT IS CAMASHIE. CUZ IT'S YOUUUUU AND MEEEEE TOGETHER! you are the lilly to my miley/oliver.

omg @ amount of homework. wtebs mrs s never checks our english anyway.

shit i am so excited for 12th october. BB TIME :D:D:D:D:D me and (other) marie officially like our mentor.

2008-09-14T12:38:00.002+08:00

I wake up in the early afternoon and wonder if anything matters beyond the last time you missed me.

ugh ugh ugh i feel so avril lavigne unwanted.

go away, feelings. I don't want you. I'm sure you don't want me either.

Please don't let me fail my exams. Again. Please. I need to fucking do something. I need to stop whining and just take it back. Take it all the fuck back.

Nobody blogs anymore. Or prolly just don't want me to read it. I fucking hate you people. Friends indeed.

I hate this school this country and all the fucks in it. I hate life i hate life i hate life you disgust me.

This is a typical sunday mood. and since I ate at swensen's yesterday and i ate like a crisscut fry and ice cream and i now have to pay for it by not baking like, oh ever. which is the one thing that calms me down.

I need to fucking go ride my bike fly a kite i don't know.

Fucking hell i want to eat mashed potatoes, french fries and a shitload of ice cream. RIGHT FUCKING NOW OMG. at least i don't want apple juice.

I need someone to turn my life around D:

Just when I thought I was getting it together.

2008-09-13T06:09:00.006+08:00

okay isn't like awesome but it rapes my mind anyway and the video is just like -swoons-

yeah it's like 6.11am and i've been up since like 4ish.

gah feeling mushy rn. yay you taylor. um stop being perfect now. LOL at the guy looking like a mixture of rpattz and joe jonas. fictionpress calls out to me in my moment of sappyness.

lol my fp is super ded.

oops i was supposed to email my mentor. =/ fawgawt.

edit: the video doesn't appear. fail to the power of standard form. or lack thereof. am reading kat dennings adorable blog and will forgive her for liking katy perry. though tbh cat forced hot n cold to rape my mind earlier today. ngl. -i've been a mess-

whatever i'm ~~getting cheese freies~~ leaving the blank there.

edit again: omg omg video girl rapes my mind go away D: I cannot succumb to the dark side. they have brothers of jonas instead of cookies.

2008-09-12T18:10:00.002+08:00

Updating after godonlyknowshowlong.

sooo i just got back from my mentorship meeting. feeling ~capworthy due to recent creative unblockedness, read healing silence for the gabilliamth time and whoever ashish is i r your fan. to think that people my age can come up with such beautiful, original works just blows my mind. also simultaneously watched the race ep of tyra because my tv was on that channel. and now idk how to get back the scv channel. nabeh.

well i'm completely tempted to post up my emoshit poems and tell you how i'm REALLY feeling about life and certain people, but nobody (here) would want to read that shit anyway, so why bother.

i'm so angry about this and i can't even tell you what it is. that says far more than it should about us.

ahhh cashie needs to come online and save me from myself. i love my tater munch. *digs out cassie appreciation letter*

one of these days, i'm just going to stay up all night and dance for the hell of it.

I'm feeling the carb withdrawal rn. I NOW KNOW WHY PEOPLE RLY EAT RICE. IT'S BECAUSE IT MOPS UP THE OIL. wtebs. IT MUST BE DONE. i actually feel a lot less bloated. yay me. now i have to conquer that whole exercise thing instead of just crapping around being an angsty capper with my word and textedit documents.

You'll never change, least of all for me. I don't expect you to, and I don't think I want you to.

excuse this post sounding like half the sentences came out of (my) angsty ~poetry.

2008-09-06T02:57:00.002+08:00

shanghai kiss in a word:

M
I
N
D
F
U
C
K.

tyvm.

like srsly 100 minutes i am never getting back.

and yet.

i have the weirdest fucking urge to watch it again. my masochistic tendencies are showing, protect the kids!

omg the reviews for this movie are so good wtf.

I NEED TO WATCH THE GODDAMN TAXI SCENE AGAIN.

anyway. i'm starting like three different freaking stories at once. i feel so uncommitted. more like, my inner perfectionist is getting the best of me and doesn't want me to write unless it'll be PERFECT. i'm so bad at analyzing everything i write. the only one i like so far is Sawyer. It's so typically character study and written in the jd salinger habit i've lapsed into. i need to not make my character say damn and fuck every two minutes. ahhh I NEED TO GET THE FUCK READY FOR MENTORSHIP. AIEEEEEE -youregoingtocamprockface-

oh it just started raining. how delicious.

i'm reading healing silence rn lulz. there are way too many talented people in cap. ...OMG I'LL PROLLY HAVE MY SHIT IN THIS BOOK NEXT YEAR :O:O i'm sew applying for cap council. my bitch better get in with me :D

nadia wants to go to joejonuz' paJAMa.

2008-09-03T23:24:00.005+08:00

Okay this post is going to be a huge whinefest so prepare yerselves mateys!

Sooo debate people left like five hours ago and i feel really freaking lonely. I feel lonely alot :( i hate when you have people over for whatever reason and you're all happy and distracted and then they leave to go spend their time better elsewhere and probably a whole lot more productively and then there you are at home by yourself sitting on a now-messy bed with your stuffed toys strewn all over and a dozen empty apple juice cartons and everything just highlights your total lack of company especially when you really wish you could be with someone right fucking THEN.

and then all you're left to do is make crappy cookies and lurk on facebook in the hopes that someone anyone anything will talk to you to take your mind off the fact that you're feeling really fucking shitty and having a tv and a microwave in your room doesn't make you feel any better because goddamnit, they're just things and you'd have people over things any goddamn day. when the party's over friends go home and you aren't left with shit.

god i am so fucking needy srsly. will there ever be a person in this entire world who is as needy as me because i do not think so.

SOMEONE CURE ME OF THIS LIKE YESTERDAY PLEASE.

ugh i hate my life. i wish i were someone happy and carefree. jody totally comes to mind at this point.

UGH GOD. I need to get over myself.

the stupidest thing is bothering me and it won't go away.

2008-09-03T01:13:00.003+08:00

So anyway prepare for a real long post. by my standards. I'll be blogging about today. even though technically i'd be blogging about yesterday which was tuesday. so yes. GETTING TO IT NAO.

so i had this dream where i felt like a made the wrong choice. it was ttly intense because i was running from this pack of hitchhiker's galaxy-esque monsters and my brothers and sisters all wanted to hide but i kept running then opened the drawing room doors where some azn dude with sunglasses, a red checked shirt, khaki shorts and black loafers was sitting around fidgeting. but instead i ran back to the bathroom and hid in it's closet. AND THEN MY ALARM RANG and i felt like i made the wrong choice =/ so i tried to go back but instead i dreamed of a rainbow ballet in a minor and d. =/

after that played some vegas 2 with brotherness and then went to make my IC with mom. wore purple hoodie and yellow shirt with pigtails and felt rather like a very covered-up laker girl. then because of the whole changing my race on the card from chinese to eurasian shit my ic needs to go for processing before it is even made. fucked up.

listened to miley, both old and new album. listened to let's dance alot even though i ttly hated it before. the "Too much rock for one girl can make her go crazy I need someone to dance with me baby" and As soon as my album goes number one Mr. Lim I'd like a Rolex with 40 diamonds" rape my mind. then get back-ed. and gno-ed.

trekked to heeren -okay not trekked it was rly in the car- to buy a shitload of dvds such as save the last dance, clueless, sweet home alabame, 27 dresses, step up 2 and the extremely lulzsome hayden movie shanghai kiss which i cannot wait to watch. :D ran into adeline ng. lol. her superman shirt :D

then went to same swensens and i swear to god gavin recognised me. i asked for a glass of ice and the cheese shaker. HE. KNEW. ME~

i was actually supposed to make this whole section of my post dedicated to whiny-ass complaining about victoria justice as i usually do at least thrice a year but i'm too lazy to post up the pictures of her evil perfection.

i was also supposed to do a pacey and hugh picspam because i just feel damn fangirly these days.

omg my post was supposed to be much longer but i'll save that for next time.

BEDTYME NAO.

p.s. cracked.com brings the ultimate win. will post hannah montana >_><_< ... candy next time.

2008-08-31T19:17:00.002+08:00

STILL SEE THE SUNLIGHT IN YOUR HAIIIIIIIIIR
OH OH!
I'VE BEEN MISSING YOUR STRAWBERRY KISSES, CUZ NOTHING'S AS SWEET, THE TASTE STILL DRIVE ME CRAZY!
I'VE BEEN WISHING MY STRAWBERRY KISSES COULD FLY THROUGH THE WIND FROM ME TO YOU!

I just felt the need to share that.

Hmm yes. Anyway. Some things to ponder lately.

1) I seem to be growing in tolerance for demi lovato. OMG LIKE SRSLY. WHAT IF I END UP LIKING HER LIKE HOW I MUST CONFESS I NOW LIKE SELENA?!?! The vagchin is getting back at me. see the pun i made thurr.

2) Why have I not watched star king in ages? BRING THE LULZ BACK PLS. Although wingyi's blog song does that already. omg like pajama party HAHA. Not insulting you wing, just loling. TELL ME WHY DOES KOREA BRING SO MUCH LULZ? EVERYBODY PLS INSERT WONDER GIRLS PUN... HERE!

3) Cheena bawa zhuwa! It is rly tamil for great wall of cheena and not actually a chinese dialectic swear word. believe me. NO JUSTINE, NOT LIKE THE LINKIN PARK SONG, WTF.

4) It is sunday night and i have not had the urge to bake all day. what is happening to me?!?! Maybe i should FORCE myself to make cookies. Maybe. Yes. Later. After princess diaries. Omg how much did i love anne hath then. Y SO PRETTY?! Now you just irritate me. ... Now I want to see chris pine pls.

5) We never did do it on the weekend, did we, Click Five? Okay that wasn't the ponder part. WHEN WILL KEVJO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET. I'M LIKE WATCHING LIVING THE DREAM RN AND... JUST GOSH.

LOL omg sry. I think I'm making fo fadia happy with all this blogging.

gah i'm like breaking out -NOT IN THE MYCY KIND OF WAY- and it's sew nasty my face hurts.

omg pd is starting. I'M SO HAPPY. MEMORIES. Mia's room and her tower were like my DREAM. OMG LOL I RMB SANDRA OH AS PRINCIPAL NAO. OH HEYYY CRISTINA. y so fierce with scootering, mia? tbh, i think i looked like pre-makeover mia in primary school except far far far far far less fierce. i have to admit that any movie with mandy moore must be watched. because i said so. omg punnage there i go again. ahhh michael was so adorable omfg. michael >chris pine. even though i ttly loved chris pine. i need to stop ranting about pd now. to quote crack, "MUST... NOT... REVEAL... FANGIRLYNESS!"

omg at sudden urge to watch akazukin chacha. lurking on wingyi's blog gives me anime vibes. OMG AT SEVERE OVERUSE AT OMG IN THIS POST SRSLY.

okay idc posting now to entertain nadia.