There are days I honestly don't know whether I am the first someone thinks about. I'm not really conventionally cool or anything, I'm 18 and I haven't been drinking and partying out at clubs. And though I don't actually want to drink or anything, I just feel like kind of a dependent nerd who studies and tumblrs and waits around for her boyfriend to come home, which is pretty fucking lame. I think people would like me if I were more independent. I think I would like me more. It's the way I've always appeared, even though I'm quite needy and independence was mostly to mask the loneliness. Now that I'm not actually lonely, I'm at a bit of a loss. I don't think giving so much of yourself should result in yourself not actually being there. Identity is not supposed to be this hard to retain. Okay. I resolve to write something for me today. A good meaty short story that has really nothing to do with my life.