I'm not really sorry that this lame excerpt of a story is not going to make up for lack of blogging. thank you.


“On a scale of one to ten, how much do you miss me?” Joshua could hear her giggling through the receiver. That tiny outtake, unnoticeable by majority of the human race, she heard. His ears made this pop sound, like when the hydrogen splint extinguishes at the mouth of the test tube, except that Andie was the test tube of this operation. But a dead silence raced, poured out of the tiny telephone holes, spilling into his lap.

“Andie? You there?”

“Sighing. You’re sighing. You know what I want? I’m tired of you sighing. You want to know, what I want? Someone who’s thrilled to hear my voice the moment they pick up the phone and can’t wait to tell me that I’m all they ever think about and they’re fucking batshit crazy for me and they’d watch bad movies with me without feeling or acting like it’s some boyfriend obligation because it shouldn’t be that, it should be them dying to get close to me every five seconds and being unable to keep their lips off mine at any given time, and smiling stupidly at the ground because that song reminds them of me, and failing tests miserably because I was sitting next to them in AP History, not that I want you to fail Josh, but it’s true, I’m selfish and I’m human no matter what my straight shoulder-length blonde hair and straight A’s tell you. You’re always pushing me away for Isabel who I know you don’t have any stupid romantic feelings for but you talk to her, never me, you turn away from me whenever something’s going on, in the bus or at school or yeah, even right now, on the phone, on this line. You’re making a mess of us even more than I’m making a mess of us, and maybe I don’t know how to handle you, and we don’t know how to handle each other’s infamous moodswings and maybe you’re the worst person I could’ve chosen to love, just like you said,and yeah you break my heart every day that we’re in this with little things or big things or things you don’t even realize hurt me because you’re so thick-skinned and don’t notice anything that doesn’t directly relate to the world of Joshua and it hurts so much just to love you without taking any of our complications into consideration at all but I can’t let go, I can’t let go so if you ever leave me I’ll probably be stalking you or committing suicide and still wanting you to be happy because you couldn’t ever find that with me, you couldn’t find the crazy love with me. And it’ll kill me because I don’t want anybody else but you’d expect me to live with it, right?”

The vacant gap where she was supposed to continue. It didn’t suddenly cease to exist. It was growing instead. Like a fungal-

“I don’t think I can handle you making me into a science analogy right now, Joshua. Goodbye.”