I try less everyday to miss you
But at this juncture it's the only issue of
beating hearts and broken names we no longer call each other by
You go back to the way you were and I return to my anti-reality where
You were as real as my future
The notes flat and the song overplayed and the ink run and dried up until
The paper is permanently disfigured like something else I know all too well
The sheets changed and a different colour than when you were on them and
The bedframe rickety from how you (me? we?) shook its foundations
and every trip to the bathroom involves in-depth soul-searching in the fogged up mirror
because I lost half of it (soul, not mirror or virginity) when I realised I lost you
and every fall on the floor makes me cry because its over as quickly as when we fell in love
where every thing that has nothing to do with you does now and I am powerless to stop it
because although books and motivational speakers have such faith in me
I have none in myself
least of all when it comes to you and how my heart is breaking over the span of my entire life
you choose to ignore it and write it off as the torn magazine that you could never check out of the library
the best part of it all is how it never happened and
how i'm hearing things
seeing things
feeling things
that never quite existed.

I have made a deliberate decision not to be irritated with things that will never be solved in any way, shape or form any longer. Or some things that have nought to do with me.

bi ru:

1. When people of a certain type lock their blogs because they are so occupied with their own lame lives (sorry, aaron) um, nothing. No, I'm not pointing the accusatory finger of soured friendship at jody.

2. Shallow conversations. I have so many of those lately. Only joyce and yan xuan save me from the boo radley-esque feelings I constantly experience during LD. and of course my bb <3 and mass convos with bendy and brownshawts. and don't forget and josie and the pussycats songs make me feel so much better. too many ands in that sentence, the grammar nazi in my brain is currently bitchslapping me.

3. The sheep mentality. Oh it is rampant in our little havenonthehill. Where scripts don't get a chance because of the immediate assumption that an adult can write oodles better than a student, whee! Where everyone just succumbs to the man, because you know, fighting the good fight is just too much trouble.

4. Intentional Obliviousness Syndrome is the age-old disease where you think acting like a bimbo is attractive!

5. The things certain people at a certain table find funny. Omg it just isn't funny.


I can't find my basketball. I did however, in my eager-beaver search process, come across the Pokemon blow-up BOAT which I have not used or thought about since the age of seven. Damn that was the shit.

That concludes this subtly(?) bitchy post.

I got a letter today
An invitation
And the writing looked like you
Hello how are you and by the way
Please RSVP I do
I thought of writing sad words of how it used to be
But I didn't want to bring you down, no
I guess the bells will ring pretty well there without me
Don't worry 'bout me baby I'll wear the thorny crown
I will play the clown

If you think that I don't love you, you're just wrong
And that don't matter now anyway
I couldn't bear to see you up there with a white dress on
Here's my vow to you
I'll stay away
I remember when in a lover's whisper you said
No other man would ever share your bed
Well we both know that's not been so
And I wish I'd never let you go now
You found a better man instead
I wish you health and wealth and a white house on a hill and I
I hope you raise a family
Little boy and a little girl, a little more joy in this little old world
Well, that'd be enough for me

Time rolls on
And dreams they die
And I've thrown out the pictures I had of you and I
And if you're ever wondering if love can be true
Well, think of me and remember darling like I, like I do
Old friendships fade away, love falls apart
And you've not spent a single day outside my heart
But, there's just one more dream that I have left for you
I hope you're smiling when he turns around and says I do

I do.

omg cookie jar stop raping my mind NOW. i'm like grooving to it and singing hxc rn. omg omg stop.

STOP IT TRAVVIE!!!

I WENT TO COOKIE ANONY-

stop.

umm i need to buy taylor swift albums now because i do not want to dl all her videos even though her face is like ~*perfection*~ it gets troublesome to play with the video scroll thingy and fucking cycle on a road at the same time. i was literally two inches away from getting mowed over by this fucking mercedes. die you fucktard driver die NOW. i'm going to ignore the fact that i am smelling my hands atm because they smell like burnt rubber from gripping the handlebars too hard. lol that sounds so ~sexual.

nadia needs to update.

i now have a third aircon in my room. yes you heard me a third. it finally makes my room as cold as i want it. POLAR :D

i'm so paying for all my aircon usage in global warming hell someday. EVERYTHING I SEE, GLOBAL WARMING GOING GREEN, IDK WHAT ALL THIS MEANS-

I'm sure you don't, miley.

oh ontd. you are delicious.


umm happy birthday nick j. HAHAHA the radio told me! it'snotlikeiknow.

OMGOMGOMG MY MENTOR SAID THAT WHEN I COME TO HIS HOUSE I CAN PLAY WITH HIS 9 MONTH OLD BABY FUCK I AM SO EXCITED.

i should prolly warn him that i will pay no attention to what he says and will kidnap his bb. -glomps-

so i was in a really bouncy mood today. till the end anyway.

wtebs.

I got tired of waiting, wondering if you were ever coming around. My faith in you is fading.

In addition to being the perfect human specimen, taylor swift also reads minds. thank you.

mamma mia songs and driveway rape my mind. i officially cannot live without breakout. i love cycling with miley plugged in my ears :D MAI LI TIME!


so mega cassie appreciation today. omg jennow i ttly couldn't spell appreciation. mindfuck. bb i wouldn't have nothing if i didn't have you! i mean that <3 invisible walls for the fail. they suck, not us. THEY ARE NOT WORTHY OF THE GREATNESS THAT IS CAMASHIE. CUZ IT'S YOUUUUU AND MEEEEE TOGETHER! you are the lilly to my miley/oliver.


omg @ amount of homework. wtebs mrs s never checks our english anyway.

shit i am so excited for 12th october. BB TIME :D:D:D:D:D me and (other) marie officially like our mentor.

I wake up in the early afternoon and wonder if anything matters beyond the last time you missed me.

ugh ugh ugh i feel so avril lavigne unwanted.

go away, feelings. I don't want you. I'm sure you don't want me either.


Please don't let me fail my exams. Again. Please. I need to fucking do something. I need to stop whining and just take it back. Take it all the fuck back.

Nobody blogs anymore. Or prolly just don't want me to read it. I fucking hate you people. Friends indeed.

I hate this school this country and all the fucks in it. I hate life i hate life i hate life you disgust me.


This is a typical sunday mood. and since I ate at swensen's yesterday and i ate like a crisscut fry and ice cream and i now have to pay for it by not baking like, oh ever. which is the one thing that calms me down.

I need to fucking go ride my bike fly a kite i don't know.

Fucking hell i want to eat mashed potatoes, french fries and a shitload of ice cream. RIGHT FUCKING NOW OMG. at least i don't want apple juice.


I need someone to turn my life around D:

Just when I thought I was getting it together.

okay isn't like awesome but it rapes my mind anyway and the video is just like -swoons-



yeah it's like 6.11am and i've been up since like 4ish.

gah feeling mushy rn. yay you taylor. um stop being perfect now. LOL at the guy looking like a mixture of rpattz and joe jonas. fictionpress calls out to me in my moment of sappyness.

lol my fp is super ded.

oops i was supposed to email my mentor. =/ fawgawt.

edit: the video doesn't appear. fail to the power of standard form. or lack thereof. am reading kat dennings adorable blog and will forgive her for liking katy perry. though tbh cat forced hot n cold to rape my mind earlier today. ngl. -i've been a mess-

whatever i'm getting cheese freies leaving the blank there.

edit again: omg omg video girl rapes my mind go away D: I cannot succumb to the dark side. they have brothers of jonas instead of cookies.

Updating after godonlyknowshowlong.

sooo i just got back from my mentorship meeting. feeling ~capworthy due to recent creative unblockedness, read healing silence for the gabilliamth time and whoever ashish is i r your fan. to think that people my age can come up with such beautiful, original works just blows my mind. also simultaneously watched the race ep of tyra because my tv was on that channel. and now idk how to get back the scv channel. nabeh.

well i'm completely tempted to post up my emoshit poems and tell you how i'm REALLY feeling about life and certain people, but nobody (here) would want to read that shit anyway, so why bother.

i'm so angry about this and i can't even tell you what it is. that says far more than it should about us.

ahhh cashie needs to come online and save me from myself. i love my tater munch. *digs out cassie appreciation letter*

one of these days, i'm just going to stay up all night and dance for the hell of it.

I'm feeling the carb withdrawal rn. I NOW KNOW WHY PEOPLE RLY EAT RICE. IT'S BECAUSE IT MOPS UP THE OIL. wtebs. IT MUST BE DONE. i actually feel a lot less bloated. yay me. now i have to conquer that whole exercise thing instead of just crapping around being an angsty capper with my word and textedit documents.

You'll never change, least of all for me. I don't expect you to, and I don't think I want you to.

excuse this post sounding like half the sentences came out of (my) angsty ~poetry.

shanghai kiss in a word:

M
I
N
D
F
U
C
K.

tyvm.

like srsly 100 minutes i am never getting back.

and yet.

i have the weirdest fucking urge to watch it again. my masochistic tendencies are showing, protect the kids!

omg the reviews for this movie are so good wtf.

I NEED TO WATCH THE GODDAMN TAXI SCENE AGAIN.

anyway. i'm starting like three different freaking stories at once. i feel so uncommitted. more like, my inner perfectionist is getting the best of me and doesn't want me to write unless it'll be PERFECT. i'm so bad at analyzing everything i write. the only one i like so far is Sawyer. It's so typically character study and written in the jd salinger habit i've lapsed into. i need to not make my character say damn and fuck every two minutes. ahhh I NEED TO GET THE FUCK READY FOR MENTORSHIP. AIEEEEEE -youregoingtocamprockface-

oh it just started raining. how delicious.

i'm reading healing silence rn lulz. there are way too many talented people in cap. ...OMG I'LL PROLLY HAVE MY SHIT IN THIS BOOK NEXT YEAR :O:O i'm sew applying for cap council. my bitch better get in with me :D


nadia wants to go to joejonuz' paJAMa.

Okay this post is going to be a huge whinefest so prepare yerselves mateys!

Sooo debate people left like five hours ago and i feel really freaking lonely. I feel lonely alot :( i hate when you have people over for whatever reason and you're all happy and distracted and then they leave to go spend their time better elsewhere and probably a whole lot more productively and then there you are at home by yourself sitting on a now-messy bed with your stuffed toys strewn all over and a dozen empty apple juice cartons and everything just highlights your total lack of company especially when you really wish you could be with someone right fucking THEN.

and then all you're left to do is make crappy cookies and lurk on facebook in the hopes that someone anyone anything will talk to you to take your mind off the fact that you're feeling really fucking shitty and having a tv and a microwave in your room doesn't make you feel any better because goddamnit, they're just things and you'd have people over things any goddamn day. when the party's over friends go home and you aren't left with shit.

god i am so fucking needy srsly. will there ever be a person in this entire world who is as needy as me because i do not think so.

SOMEONE CURE ME OF THIS LIKE YESTERDAY PLEASE.


ugh i hate my life. i wish i were someone happy and carefree. jody totally comes to mind at this point.

UGH GOD. I need to get over myself.


the stupidest thing is bothering me and it won't go away.

So anyway prepare for a real long post. by my standards. I'll be blogging about today. even though technically i'd be blogging about yesterday which was tuesday. so yes. GETTING TO IT NAO.

so i had this dream where i felt like a made the wrong choice. it was ttly intense because i was running from this pack of hitchhiker's galaxy-esque monsters and my brothers and sisters all wanted to hide but i kept running then opened the drawing room doors where some azn dude with sunglasses, a red checked shirt, khaki shorts and black loafers was sitting around fidgeting. but instead i ran back to the bathroom and hid in it's closet. AND THEN MY ALARM RANG and i felt like i made the wrong choice =/ so i tried to go back but instead i dreamed of a rainbow ballet in a minor and d. =/

after that played some vegas 2 with brotherness and then went to make my IC with mom. wore purple hoodie and yellow shirt with pigtails and felt rather like a very covered-up laker girl. then because of the whole changing my race on the card from chinese to eurasian shit my ic needs to go for processing before it is even made. fucked up.

listened to miley, both old and new album. listened to let's dance alot even though i ttly hated it before. the "Too much rock for one girl can make her go crazy I need someone to dance with me baby" and As soon as my album goes number one Mr. Lim I'd like a Rolex with 40 diamonds" rape my mind. then get back-ed. and gno-ed.

trekked to heeren -okay not trekked it was rly in the car- to buy a shitload of dvds such as save the last dance, clueless, sweet home alabame, 27 dresses, step up 2 and the extremely lulzsome hayden movie shanghai kiss which i cannot wait to watch. :D ran into adeline ng. lol. her superman shirt :D

then went to same swensens and i swear to god gavin recognised me. i asked for a glass of ice and the cheese shaker. HE. KNEW. ME~


i was actually supposed to make this whole section of my post dedicated to whiny-ass complaining about victoria justice as i usually do at least thrice a year but i'm too lazy to post up the pictures of her evil perfection.

i was also supposed to do a pacey and hugh picspam because i just feel damn fangirly these days.


omg my post was supposed to be much longer but i'll save that for next time.

BEDTYME NAO.


p.s. cracked.com brings the ultimate win. will post hannah montana >_><_< ... candy next time.